Happy New Year!

Day Twenty-Seven – Wednesday – New Year’s Day

I decide to carry on my tradition of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and the Rose Parade. The tube of rolls was being very difficult. The outer paper just wouldn’t come off. After several times of beating it against everything in my kitchen, I decide to use a knife. DON’T DO THIS – EVER! The knife slips and goes into my hand between my thumb and finger. I grab the first thing I can – paper towels - and head for the sink. I let cold water run over the wound and it is not stopping the bleeding, but it did clean out the wound. I slap the paper towels on it and wonder how I’m going to drive myself to the emergency room, because it obviously needs stitches.

I’m in my pajamas, so I go back to my room to change clothes and go. Then I sit on my bed and cry. I can’t drive myself because this won’t stop bleeding. How can I change my clothes? Who do I call? It’s 7 in the morning and I don’t know my neighbors well enough to go knocking on their door with a paper towel wrapped around my hand in my jammies.

So, I call my sister-in-law Darla. She doesn’t answer. Then I call my sister-in-law Boneda and find out how horrible her night was. Before I even finish my conversation with Boneda, her husband Robert is dressed and on his way to my house. I change my clothes, run a comb through my hair, turn off the oven and the coffee pot, and let the dog out. I also have to get a new paper towel before this one is soaked through. Robert arrives.

Darla, in the meantime has called. I have talked with Randy. Darla decides that the Urgent Care center across from her is the best place and she will meet us there as she just got out of the shower and her hair is wet. Okie, dokie. Robert drives me there and it’s not open until 9. It’s now 8:30. So Darla takes me to the Marana Urgent Care that is not open today at all. At this point, we are both laughing about the stupidity of having Urgent Care facilities that are not open except during regular business hours.

We go back to the original place, the doors open and I’m whisked away into a room immediately. The bleeding had stopped until the nurse (really wonderful woman who recently lost her husband to lung cancer) started to clean the wound. More bleeding.

But all this was nothing compared to the shots the doctor did to numb me before the stitches. I have tattoos and I’m not afraid of needles, but DAMN this hurt.

Finally numb and stitched, cleaned up and bandaged – I pay my co-pay and Darla and I head for the bathroom. I have injured my left hand so I think it’s no big deal. Not so. It’s hard to wash one hand when the other one is useless. I found out just how much I needed my left hand by the end of day.

Darla took me to the grocery store for a couple of things and then home. I was feeling better and grateful that all those wonderful people came to my rescue. I know Randy felt awful that he was so far away, but he trusted that his family would take care of me.

I do hope, with all my heart that the rest of our year goes better than the first day. Time will tell.

Day Twenty-eight – Thursday

I am just going to spend the day watching TV and resting my hand. Boring, right? But the most normal thing that has happened in the last 2 months. Love it.

Day Twenty-nine – Friday

I guess you’ve noticed by now that not much has been actually done about my cancer. I learned quickly from the first time I had cancer that it is a game of waiting. Doctors don’t much trust their instincts anymore because of litigation, so they order every test in the world. And, as a patient, I have the right to deny taking the tests, but there is always the little voice in the back of your head that says “What if?”. What if I don’t do the breast MRI and they find way more during surgery? That’s easy; they can take care of it once I’m all opened up. I hate waiting. I just want them to do the surgery already. But, as Randy told me, I’m not going to be a happy person the first time I look in the mirror and the scars where my boobs used to be. But the longer I wait, the more scared I become and that could mean greater anxiety and less good feelings.

I’m still waiting for the HER2/NEU test results. I’ll call on Monday.

Today I ventured out of my hole and went shopping. I took a shower and it felt so good. Clean hair, clean person, out the door. I quickly realized that pushing a shopping cart with a cut between your thumb and finger isn’t much fun and my hand was telling me this trip could have waited one more day or so. But there are things to be done and places to go, so I venture forth. Too bad I don’t have a bag boy to unload my car when I get home.

Randy is still out on the road with lousy loads and pending bad weather. I try not to worry, but that’s almost impossible. Too much worry in my life and not enough good vibes. Gotta get some good vibes.

As I was falling asleep, I realized that I haven’t called the American Cancer Society. I need to do that tomorrow and find a group. It truly does help to talk with people who have been there or people who are going through what you are.