A Letter to My Teenage Self

Day Forth-three through Forty-six – Friday through Monday

Not much going on here. We had a lovely evening with my in-laws on Friday night. We all received two pieces of good news – one of them I can’t share yet. But the other is that Boneda’s oldest friend is fighting the cancer fight with stomach cancer. Nasty stuff. They thought she was a goner, but never count anybody out. We got the news that she has returned to work and is feeling much better. Boneda didn’t ask if the tumors are shrinking, but my assumption is that they are. Thank God for people who are willing to undergo experimental cancer trials. They save us all.

We watched football on Sunday and the games turned out pretty much like I predicted. Can’t wait for the Super Bowl!

Pretty normal stuff. I feel good. My hand has healed. The cuts from the biopsy have healed. My husband is back at work. We are just waiting for our visits with the surgeons on Thursday.

Day Forty-seven – Tuesday

A letter to my teenage self.

Dearest Tracy,

I have a few pieces of advice from the older, wiser me that I would like to go back in time and give you. I wish I could because it would make your life so much easier.

Your parents love you, in their own way, and are just trying to keep you safe. Don’t give them such a hard time and tell them you love them more often. Yes, they know you do, but they like to hear it.

You are pretty. You have beautiful green eyes and lovely hands. You have cheekbones that models would kill to have and you are thin – a little too thin. Maybe put on a few pounds. Don’t worry about your breast size. You have extremely cute toes.

Learn about birth control. Don’t wait for your parents to tell you, they won’t. Find out all you can about your own body and how it works.

When a good looking boy with black curly hair, dreamy eyes and dimples wants to know your name, walk away. He will cause you more pain than he is worth and you will never forget it.

Don’t worry about your grades so much. One day after graduation, they won’t matter. It doesn’t matter that you don’t understand Geometry or Biology or Chemistry. You never had aspirations to become a doctor or an engineer. Let it go!

Try out for the song leading squad. You’re a good dancer and you’ve taught a couple of other people how to do the moves. What, all they can do is say “no”. Would that kill you? No, it won’t and you won’t live the rest of your life regretting what could have been.

Get a job on the school newspaper. It may lead to a wonderful, exciting career that you’ll be good at.

Keep your love of cars. A car, a tube top, and pigtails will lead you to the one man in the world who will love you through everything.

Stop being so afraid to try new things. Geez, girl, just do it! Anything you want to try, try it.

Don’t let your first kiss be from a boy who doesn’t even know you exist. Let your first kiss be from your first love.

Don’t give your virginity away until you are ready. Really ready. It carries a lot of responsibility with it. It is the one thing in your whole life that you will have complete control over. Hold on to it until it’s the right time with the right guy for the right reason.

On the other hand, don’t stay a virgin until after you are married. Sex is a huge part of your marriage and you don’t want to find out you’re married to a freak or someone who is not compatible with your needs. So, find out what your needs are first.

When you walk, don’t look down. Look up and smile. They’ll all smile back. Stand up straight like your mother told you. She’s right.

Nurture your female friendships. When times are tough, they’ll be there for you. You need to be there for them. Boys will come and go, men will hurt you, but your girlfriends will always have your back. But remember, it’s a two way street. Don’t let them down when they need you. Be an awesome friend.

Find someone to teach you about good grooming habits. To be specific, someone who knows about shaping your eyebrows and your pubic hair. That incident at the pool never would have happened if you’d known about that.

This is a time for discovery. Take advantage of it, because way too soon, you’ll be on a path to some place you don’t want to go and you won’t know how you got there.

Embrace this time of your life. Have some fun. Get drunk. Try some pot. Be in more plays. Don’t quit choir and don’t join band.

Find out who you are and embrace her. She’s pretty awesome!

Love,

Tracy