Grateful

July 17, 2014

I’m feeling grateful today. Yes, I’m sore. No, I can’t do anything because I’m supposed to be resting. And still I am grateful. This all could have been so much worse. We caught it early, we decided on a radical treatment plan, I was referred to really great doctors, and I have developed no infections or problems with my skin or scars. I call that pretty good. Breast cancer is so unpredictable and takes many forms. I was lucky to get the least intrusive, most treatable form and I probably won’t have to worry about this again. I say that knowing that I was unlucky enough to get cancer three times and really believe it.

Yesterday was my last fill. The one before it was not at all fun and I have the bruise to show for it. This time, we scheduled me to see the nurse (who does an awesome, less painful fill) and not the doctor. Her appointment times are for 30 minutes and the doctor’s appointment times are for 10 minutes, so I wonder why it took until the last fill-up to figure out that this was a much better idea. Since I will never have this done again, I will impart wisdom to all who read this. If your doctor doesn’t insist on seeing you for each fill-up, make an appointment with the nurse instead.

In two weeks, I will talk with my plastic surgeon about the next operation. He will want to know if I’m happy with my breasts right now – not really. He’ll want to know what I’d like to have done – I’ll be honest. Then we’ll schedule the operation and, hopefully, the end will justify all that has come before.

Randy and I will celebrate our 40^th wedding anniversary on August 16 with a play and dinner. We are hoping to schedule the surgery for the Monday after that. The next month will be spent allowing my skin and my muscles to rest and heal. I will drink plenty of water for the two days before my surgery so I don’t have a repeat of the last time they tried to find a working vein. I will not push myself to do things that can wait. I will try to let the happiness show more and the anger show less. I would like to take a trip to the coast in September or October to see my baby brother, but that will depend on a few minor issues.

I have decided that I will not have surgical nipples, but instead have them tattooed on with some extra decoration. That will come about 3 months after my surgery. After that, I will finally feel like it’s all done.

My life is not perfect, but in its imperfection I have learned many lessons. I would not trade those lessons for a million bucks, and I remember, every once in a while, that every moment is a teaching moment. Good or bad all lessons help us grow and give us strength we didn’t think we could possibly possess. I am stronger than I thought I could ever be and the bonds that tie me to those who truly love me are stronger than I ever imagined.