Honesty

July 3, 2014 – Honesty

When they gave me the option of having a double Mastectomy or a Lumpectomy with radiation, I chose the double. I just figured that getting rid of all the breast tissue was a better option than waiting around for the Cancer to hit me yet again. I don’t deny that I have questioned that decision on more than one doctor’s visit, but given the choice, I would do it again.

In recap, I had both breasts removed on February 14, 2014. As I look back now, my recovery was rapid. Randy drove me to the first doctor’s visit after the surgery where I had one of my drainage tubes removed. A week later, I drove myself to have the second one removed and I did some shopping on the way home. I never stopped lifting my arms to keep my shoulders from freezing and when the scars totally healed and the swelling went down, I had no more pain. It all took less than a month.

I also never questioned whether I would have reconstruction. Of course, my husband wanted it, but he was just that little voice in my ear. I wanted it because I felt there was something missing and I wanted it back. I was a double amputee who wanted prosthetics that were permanently attached. I never thought about the pain or the amount of time it would take. I assumed it would go as quickly as my Mastectomy.

If you have ever had children, imagine that all the stretching and rearranging of your body happened in weeks instead of months. That’s what this feels like. The expanders are inside my skin stretching not only the skin, but the muscles.

I was getting 100cc’s of saline injected into each expander once a week and it was taking longer and longer to recover. I brought this up to my ever patient support group and they simply said – just slow down. So, this last injection, I went to 75cc’s and it has made a world of difference. The first day, I was still in pain, but compared to the last 100cc day, it was a walk in the park.

I must stress that being honest with your doctor and all his assistants is crucial. If one person hurts you while inserting the needle and the next one doesn’t – find out what they do differently and bring it up. For instance, I am not supposed to have any feeling in my breasts right now, so the first saline fill up was very painful because she didn’t know I had feeling. I should have told her. The second person who performed the fill up, I spilled my guts about the pain of the first. She understood and made accommodations, so the pain was limited. The last visit I told everyone that I was going to try 75cc’s because the 100cc’s was getting to be too much for me. Everyone understood and told me to stop trying to be a Super Woman and why I was in such a hurry anyway and thank you for telling us. They thought I was tolerating the 100cc’s without problems because I wasn’t being honest.

On Father’s Day of this year, I had a complete and total breakdown. It was frantic, angry and very scary for both of us. I had been feeling very low lows and very high highs since I started taking the little pill the oncologist gave me. I knew it would lessen my bone density, but I had no idea it would mess with my moods. Randy sat me down and calmly asked me to talk with my doctor. I called her the next day, but she was out of the office. I spoke with a colleague of hers and he said to stop taking the medication until I could speak with my doctor. At our appointment, I explained my views on quality of life and asked about the percentages of recurrence with my type of cancer. The percentages were low, so I chose to stop taking the medication altogether. I feel much better now – more in control of my highs and lows and anxiety. If I do choose to try the medication again, it will be after my breasts are done and I’m feeling better physically.

It is best to be honest with your doctors about how you are feeling. Yes, they are busy, but I am every bit as important as anyone else. I go to each appointment with a list of questions and concerns and try to get them answered quickly and thoroughly. My last appointment to get a fill went very well. She put the needle in like she knew I could feel it and she filled up the saline slowly and I only got 75cc’s.

Today, I woke up with a terrible pain in my left side. I think I slept on one of my pillows incorrectly. It’s a muscle pain, so I can’t just sit in one place and not move. I have to move it around in order for it to get better, but if it doesn’t get better, I’ll drop an e-mail to my doctor.

Things are getting better. My boobs are getting bigger. I have 625cc’s of saline in 600cc expanders. We are trying for 800cc’s. At 75cc’s per visit, I should be all done in 2 visits. I’m hoping we won’t have to add the other 25cc’s in order to use the 800cc silicone implant, but that’s another question I need to ask. Then I wait for a month and have the surgery to take out the expanders and insert the silicone implants. Then I recover fully and start looking for a job.

One step at a time.