It's All Good

Day 249 – It’s All Good

It seems like a broken record. Each time there is a surgery, Tri-Care drags their feet on the approval and I have to communicate with my doctor’s office more times than I would like. I believe that you should do your job and find out why Tri-Care disapproved the surgery and not wait for me, the patient, to do it for you. But, that’s not the way it works, so I found out, they changed the codes and Tri-Care approved the surgery. See? Anybody can do it. So, why am I unemployed and these people have a job?

As far as I know at this moment in time, surgery is scheduled for August 18 at 11:00. I will call from Payson on Friday to find out for sure, because calling me would be out of their scope of work or something. Anywho, let’s not dwell on it.

Honestly, I can’t wait for this surgery. I’m nervous about it – it’s surgery. The multitude of things that could go wrong is astounding, but I can’t think about any of those things right now – or ever. I am focusing on (a) getting these uncomfortable turtle shells out of my body and (b) having some sort of breast that resembles a real one (minus the nipple and plus the scar). I hope recovery is easier, but I won’t know until I get there. And the first thing I’m going to say after I get all situated in my bed is “I’m a hard stick, so, please, find me the best person you have to insert the IV. Thank you.” Dr. Larsen said if they wouldn’t do that, to have them call him. Problem solved.

It’s Tuesday and we leave for our weekend getaway on Friday morning. When Randy called last week and said the rodeo was in Payson, I found us the last remaining place to stay in Payson and bought our tickets. On Wednesday, I’ll go searching for a western shirt for Randy after having lunch with a new friend and before going to my support group. On the way home, I’ll fill up the Jeep with gas. On Thursday, I’ll do laundry and pack. Then, on Friday morning, I’ll just lean back in the Jeep passenger seat and turn it over to Randy.

For us, it seems appropriate to celebrate our 40^th wedding anniversary at a rodeo since we met because a friend wanted to borrow my car and I wanted a date to the Tucson rodeo dance. And the fact that my husband thought of all this in order to bring it full circle, is amazing to me. He’s not the type that sends flowers or buys gifts for me all the time, but when he comes up with an idea – it’s a doozie.

People ask me questions all the time about a couple of things (a) How have you stayed married for so long? And (b) How is your breast cancer going?

To answer the first question, it hasn’t been easy. The bottom line is, I love him and I promised to love him through anything. I promised to work it out when it seemed unworkable. I promised to be with him until death parted us. And, by God, I keep my promises. So does he. Plus, we are stubborn enough to not let the people who said that we would never make it be right. There have been times when I’ve thought about it. I’ve even been to a lawyer. I’ve even thought about what I want and what I’d leave for him. But then, I think about it and I realize that my life would be so empty if he weren’t in it. It’s normal to get angry with each other. It’s normal to want to call it quits. It’s normal to walk away and cool off. It’s normal to make up and start over again. What we have, I believe, is more than just love, sex, and a family. We grew up together. We taught each other about life. We stood by each other when other people would have left. We are bound together and have been since that first kiss in the front seat of his Rambler American at the drive-in movie in 1974.

To answer the second question, the cancer has been gone since the mastectomy. I am no longer taking the Anastrozole because my quality of life was so bad. I have been enduring fill-ups of saline for about 6 weeks and now I’m getting my implants. Next step after recovery is a job (keep your fingers crossed) and continue on with my life. Then 3 months from now, tattoos!

I hope we never have to go through this again, but one never knows. We hope we can keep our blood sugar as low as the doctor wants it to be. We hope Randy stays healthy. We hope our children and grandchildren are happy and healthy for the rest of their lives. But if life has taught us nothing, it’s taught us that we don’t always get what we want. How you handle those upsets as a couple is what makes or breaks a marriage. It’s also what makes or breaks you as a person.

I will always have days that I am depressed. I will always have days when I am reasonably happy. But, I believe, that as long as I have days, it’s all good.