Looking Forward and Recovery

August 25, 2014

I can’t believe how fast these last two weeks have gone.

Choosing to spend our anniversary in the Rim Country of Arizona was a blessing. I found a “cabin” (really a house) in Pine with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, kitchen, dining room, and a fabulous deck. It was a beautiful drive from the largest metropolitan city in Arizona up the hill through a desolate Indian Reservation, a Saguaro cactus forest, a dotting of small towns, and finally the pine trees. I felt the tension melt away the higher up the mountain we went.

We got all settled in and set on the deck for a while listening to the wind and the call of a female elk until we had to get dressed to go to the rodeo. It was “Tough Enough to Wear Pink” night and I couldn’t find anything pink for Randy to wear, so I made him a Kumihimo headband for his cowboy hat.

I expected much more from the rodeo, since it was PRCA sanctioned, but we had fun anyway. The smells, sights, cowboys, cowgirls felt so familiar. It was over in 2 hours and it took us about an hour to get back to the cabin. We opened up the sun roof so we could smell the pines and gaze at the stars.

Saturday was our 40^th anniversary and we decided to just stay in the cabin. We had steaks on the grill with a bottle of wine for lunch and munchies for dinner while we watched movies. It was the perfect way to spend the day.

I didn’t want to leave on Sunday, but I had to get home to prepare for surgery on Monday.

I needed the calm that the weekend had given me. We arrived for a scheduled 11:45 surgery at 10:40. We waited and waited and waited…… About noon, the nurse came out and escorted us to pre-surgery room where we waited and waited…… Nurses came in to talk with us. An RN who was the “bomb” at putting in IV’s tried twice and then called a member of the “pain team”. I asked him, “Relief from or infliction of.” He smiled and said, “Depends.” I told him he had one shot to start this IV. He got it in right where I told him to put it. I said “Thank you” and he left us alone.

In the relative quiet of the curtained room, Randy moved next to my bed. I placed my hand on his heart and he placed his hand on mine. We told each other “I love you” and I gave him my wedding band. “I’ll want that back.” I told him. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

Dr. Larsen arrived and asked me to sit up so he could draw on me. Such an artist. With his trusty dark blue marker, he drew circles and dotted lines with a great deal of concentration. He then asked if I had any questions to which I replied, “No” and he was off. Next was the anesthesiologist, a nice guy who asked me all the pertinent questions and looked down my throat. Then we waited and waited and waited….because although the surgery was scheduled for 11:45, the early one took a little bit longer and the schedulers allowed no time to clean the room. Ah. I asked if I could pee again. Upon my return, they were ready for me.

The anesthesiologist administered the cocktail and the room started to spin. Randy left for the hardest part of this surgery – waiting. They wheeled me into the cold, brightly lit operating room and I rolled onto the table. Lots of things were happening, but I was still awake. I didn’t want to be awake, so I asked when I could go to sleep. “Now” was the reply and the mask was placed over my nose and mouth.

When I awoke, I was in recovery with the nurse. I was shaking and my chest burned. She gave me an injection and all was calm. Randy and Amy arrived and told me that the doctor said it went very well and I was only in surgery for about an hour and a half. I ate ice chips and drank a small Pepsi. Then, I had to pee again and everyone was so amazed that I was walking on my own. I was ready to go home.

First let me say that I am eternally grateful for all the doctors and nurses that have helped me through this battle. I say that because I don’t want anyone to think I don’t appreciate all that they do. However, if you know me you know I am not a size large person – I am at least a 2XL person. So why would such wonderfully trained people put me into a large surgical sports bra? And why would these same people put gauze pads on my incisions before the glue had dried? We took the sports bra off to change the bandages after 24 hours and a large portion of the gauze wouldn’t come off and it still remains. My breasts look like Santa Claus’ eyebrows. Once the sports bra was off and I took a shower, that puppy wasn’t going back on. I could not close that thing back up even with my strong husband’s help. My doctor doesn’t like the surgical sports bra and wishes they would just wrap me up in an ace bandage. You can adjust an ace bandage for swelling and such. I’m going to see my surgeon tomorrow and we’ll see how much of the gauze he can get off and if he’s really concerned about it. The last surgery, the gauze came off as the glue came off. I never had an infection from the gauze and the scar looked very clean as it formed.

Basically, I’m done. Healing will take a few weeks. I’ll see the surgeon a couple more times and we’ll discuss when I can get my nipples tattooed on. I will figure out what my actual cup size is as time progresses and find bras that fit me now. I will start to look for a job in a month or so. Life will go on.

This journey started with my husband finding a lump in my breast. We have experienced all the feelings that accompany that discovery. Good days and bad days; research; tests; surgeries; a period of no breasts followed by breasts I was not happy with; and now, finally, looking forward to what happens next.

I am grateful for my doctors, surgeons, nurses, and lab people. I am grateful for my friends, family, and husband. I am grateful for life. I am hopeful for the future. I AM A SURVIVOR!