Wanting and Needing

May 18 – Wanting and Needing

Randy came home from work on Friday, quickly changed his clothes and we went to our doctor’s office to get his blood drawn. This process took almost an hour because the technician was on her lunch break and no one bothered to tell us. Randy had been awake since 8 pm on Thursday and hadn’t eaten anything in 12 hours. And I was the grumpy one.

After the 5 seconds it took to draw the blood, we headed off to the mall to find food and new shoes. Food was found, shoes were not.

Next stop was his parent’s house where we sat and talked. His mother still knows the fine art of mending and I watched her aged hands repair a seam with precision and care. I have never mended anything. The children used to come to me and say they had a hole in something or the other and I would reply to put it in the mending pile. After a couple of months, I would donate the clothing and no one was the wiser. Until they were and then they just said “Why don’t we skip the pile step and just take it to the Goodwill.” I hate when kids grow up.

Anyway, we ordered pizza and ate with them, but left soon after. It was now 7:30 pm and Randy was starting to get a glazed look in his eyes. He needed sleep and I was exhausted.

Saturday, we did 7 loads of laundry. I sorted, he put clothes in the washer, then into the dryer, then I folded. Repeat 7 times. We still had shopping to do, but we said it could wait.

Today, we went shopping. First stop, breakfast. We were joined by every other single person in Tucson. Okay, so I exaggerate, but it seemed to be the case. Then off to Sam’s club to put gas in the Jeep and buy a couple of bulk items (enough paper towels to cover the earth twice and a million paper plates) and a Kuerig coffee maker. We finished with a haircut for Randy and a stop at Basha’s to buy groceries in normal sizes.

Back to the coffee maker. There is a difference between NEEDING and WANTING. I have a perfectly good Bunn coffee maker. Makes a pot of coffee in 2 minutes. Works like a champ. But I wanted another expensive coffee maker so that if I chose to have 1 cup of coffee at 3:00 in the afternoon, I could do that without making a whole pot. Never mind that the K-cups are very expensive. Never mind that I have one more appliance sitting on my countertop. Just know that I have been pining away for this utterly useless kitchen appliance for over a year and by God, I was going to have one – and it was on sale. After finding the coffee maker and feeling very good about my purchase, a woman who was selling this fantastic skin cream stopped us and started slathering my arm with it and then Randy’s arm. In a minute, I told this perfect stranger that I had just had breast reconstruction surgery and I needed to massage my breasts with a cream twice a day that was hypoallergenic and fragrance free. I told this perfect stranger about my breasts in the middle of Sam’s club. She stopped talking. She stopped selling. She walked around the table and hugged me and said “Be well.” She smiled. I bought the cream. It’s great stuff actually, but I didn’t need that either. My mother-in-law bought me some great cream. Works like a champ. I didn’t need this cream, but I wanted it.

We all want things. I want Randy to take a breather and sleep more. I want my boobs to miraculously grow back without hurting and having scars. I want my kids to be debt free. I want my Daddy to live forever. I have no control over these things that I want, but I do have control over a new coffee maker and a better kind of skin cream. And it made me feel a little bit better to be able to get some of the things I wanted instead of always worrying about the things I need. A small indulgence.

For someone who is only 2 weeks out from surgery, this has been a very busy weekend. I’m exhausted, but I did it. I got my errands done and survived. I’m getting better every day. That is a WIN that I NEED.